Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
