Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize