After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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