hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
