Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
