census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
