I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
