i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
