Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
