so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
