Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
