Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize