I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i think i just lost a toe
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
