sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
