you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
