I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Congratulations! We have a period
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