You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
