don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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