Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
