My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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