so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize