im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
