After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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