Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
