Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
