Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
