I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
