the condom got lost in my hair
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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