I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My ass is underappreciated
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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