So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
