just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
