If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
