It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
