Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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