fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
