Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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