Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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