Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
