another moral hangover. fuck.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize