I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
