I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
