Don't you send me to vm
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
