Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
