Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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