I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm at about main and main street
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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