She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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