and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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