I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
barbara walters just said penis...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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