He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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