I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
