my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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