I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Randomize
