Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
