Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize