I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
