That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Randomize
