Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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