: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
