Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
