I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
