The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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