I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
