Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
