Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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