I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
