Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
