Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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