Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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