If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
3 2 1 whiskey
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
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