She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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