So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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