how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
