Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
