My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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