Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
