Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize