Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize
