I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
