Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
