Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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