Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
