I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
