I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
