There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
