i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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