You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
