Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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